We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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