i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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