If i come over, it means nothing
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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