You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
