i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she told me i tasted like america
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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