i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Operation Purity has been aborted
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
