I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize