but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
