Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
