Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
