she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Randomize
