also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
