dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
