OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
