I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize