We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
