hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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