You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
