On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
