I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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