I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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