a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
