He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Your cock deserves a montage
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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