When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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