the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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