you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
