I wish my penis had an off switch
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
