Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
