when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
