We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
