i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
