God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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