I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
