I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
