dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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