I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
