Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
