What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
