my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize