I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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