small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
