my shit smells like andre
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
