I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
