Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How external is "for external use only"?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
