It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
