I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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