i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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