He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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