You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
