mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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