I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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