dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
