I am puke
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize