Already got asked if we're dating
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
