I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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