Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
