I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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