he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
