It's Friday. Sex?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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