I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
