Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
