I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i need some magic done to my vagina
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
